HOW TO WRITE A BEST-SELLER: First, it helps if you ARE NOT a writer. My advice – become a hostage or a runaway bride. Hostage Ashley Smith and “runaway bride” Jennifer Wilbanks each recently received $500,000 advances for “story rights.” Smith’s book, Unlikely Angel (HarperCollins) will reveal the dramatic details when the 26-year-old windowed mother was held hostage by Atlanta courthouse shooter Brian Nichols (sample dialogue: “Don’t move or I’ll shoot.” “O.K.”). No word yet on whether Nichols has signed a book contract. A HarperCollins imprint also is negotiating rights to Wilbanks’ story. The 32-year-old nurse bugged out on the eve of her lavish wedding. Rumors run rampant that the jilted groom and each of the 600 jilted guests are planning their own books. Needless to say, the stories of the hostage and the bride will be movies and/or TV docudramas. Demand is increasing for these tell-all books, says Stephen Beer, an entertainment attorney who represents Britney Spears. “The demand is unprecedented,” he told AP. “We’re living in this media culture where general audiences crave personal stories of people who once were like them but now … are thrust into the public eye.” The lesson to writers is clear. If you want to get published NOW, thrust yourself into the public eye, preferably in an unpredictable or pointless manner. Forget about spending all that time and loving effort on your work. That’s for suckers.

- posted by Michael Shay @ 11:02 AM